i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
