I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
