If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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