just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
