You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
