i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
