Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
