i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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