oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
