that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We are two peas in an std pod
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
