I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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