Soap is not a condiment
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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