I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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