She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
