My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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