You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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