i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
