Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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