I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
