Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
