Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize