You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
