yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
