yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
