I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
