im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
