we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
