dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
