Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
