went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
