If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
