Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
