So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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