Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
