If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize