Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
