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• (516): View more from New York

  I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today

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• (432): View more from Texas

  3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.

  (1-432): View more from Texas

  Erry day erry day!

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I think you were raised by the wrong sister

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up

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