how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
