I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
