I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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