I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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