she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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