two words: eviction party
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
