from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
