**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my being single is dangerous.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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