Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
MIDGETS
????
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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