The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
