Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
