I want to walk on stilts...naked
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
