there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
