I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
