so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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