We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
