so let's talk penis.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
