I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize