Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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