I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
