Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
