dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
