the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
