Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Of course I have a pirate flag
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
