Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
