Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
