i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
