Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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