ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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