they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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