I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
