I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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