I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
