ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
