the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
