Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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