I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
