Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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