I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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