My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
