at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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