They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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