chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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