An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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