In the future we'll all be gay
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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