I want to stick my p in your. b.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
