dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Michael Bay diarrhea
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
