Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
