did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I could fuck to npr.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
