But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
