Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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