Having a random hookup so left but love u
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
